The Voyeur

I am *the* Customer Service Voyeur. It's true. All the years in this industry have brought out some demented fascination with mankind, and I know this takes "people watching" to an entirely new level. What is a Customer Service Voyeur, you ask? Well, for one, it's a person who stations themselves near the Guest Services Desk on a cruise ship, like I did on a recent trip on Royal Caribbean. Sure, there's drinking, gambling, entertainment and more on a cruise ship, but I find the most fascinating show usually takes on the Main Deck, with people dressed in crisp white suits and twisty ties, and involves a queue and stanchions. For some reason, cruising brings out the most bizarre of customer service complaints. Having actually worked on a cruise ship on a few occasions, I have seen requests from guests that boggle the mind and spirit. These include one women who insisted the kitchen make her fresh squeezed carrot juice on a daily basis, or some bizarre, skin-related growth was liable to take over the left side of her face (her husband looked on, embarrassed, and I could tell he was not prepared to commit to this lifetime carrot juice fetish). I saw another women berate a poor steward because he was not able to produce "Epsom salts" at the speed of light to assist with her aching heinie (yes, insert "ass" joke here). When the poor, male steward could not comply, the women insisted they swing the ship to the next port of call and procure some, because that's what good customer service is, is it not? (I would have shuttled her in a dingy to Cuba, but alas, only the captain of a cruise ship can make these decisions). And, my personal favorite, the cruise line guest who got himself blitzed in Cozumel and missed the ship entirely. Special arrangements needed to commence to board at sea via the hull of the ship, and I had the fantastic opportunity to see this guest (who was traveling with his family), presented with the customized "bill" for the additional services rendered not only by the cruise line, but also by third parties, in delivering his hung-over body back to the vessel (helpful hint to all you tequila lovers: It's not cheap). My favorite gem from this most recent trip occurred when a relatively young women approached the desk, bill in hand, and broke out in tears over a charge for a bottle of wine that she absolutely did not order, absolutely did not drink, and absolutely was NOT paying for. As she berated the patient steward about the incompetence of the ships billing system, her voice grew louder, her sobs higher, and her pitch started to draw the gaze of those nearby (simple non-voyeurs). About ten minutes into the interaction, when the poor steward had already fetched some tissues, the women's incredibly helpful husband arrived to collect her. Oh - and did I mention he was kind enough to bring the wayward, and empty, wine bottle with him? So, next time you're out and about, grab a good book, station yourself near the customer service desk, and collect some blog posts for Queen Kat. You'll be amazed at the free, virtually untapped entertainment available at your finger tips. Be sure to email me your observations at Kustomerisking@yahoo.com .