Tis the Season

The holidays are fast approaching, and most of us are filled with that yuletide cheer. Christmas means a few of my favorite things: eggnog, snow, presents, bells, shopping and spiked punch. But, for those of us in the service industry, it also means the return of the yearly dreaded service interaction. I call it the "holiday spirit". I've worked in my current position for five years, and can document the increase in customer "complaints" are this time of year. Perhaps they are trying to tap into some of my holiday cheer? If so, they are barking up the wrong tree with Queen Kat! Anyway, here's some helpful holiday tips for customers to keep in mind:
* Because it's the holidays does not mean we are going to wipe your slate clean of all monies you may owe. The cable company doesn't give me a free month just because it's "Christmas", and I won't, either
* If you have no intention of paying what you owe, that's fine. But there is absolutely no reason that you need to call and tell me this. If your hope is that by telling me you won't pay your bill, it will magically disappear, you really should see a shaman or a magician.
* Please don't use "the holidays" as an excuse. It taints what is intended to be an otherwise fun filled and relaxing time of year, and they shouldn't be used as a way to write off forgetfulness or stupidity.
* Calling me "Scrooge", "Satan", "Grinch" or the "anti-Christ" during this time of year only makes me chuckle, so please expect this reaction.
So, Happy Holidays to all of you out there who truly appreciate what this time of year is meant to be about. And for those of you who don't - tsk tsk! I'm on to you.

A Time to Give Thanks

Today is "Black Friday", the day after Thanksgiving dedicated to shopping, sales, and the ultimate display of capitalism. My heart goes out to those of you in retail today, as I'm sure a day full of early mornings, coupons and long lines has got to be the ultimate test of your customer service skills. I dedicate this post to all of you, Retail Servants, with a recap of "things" Queen Kat is thankful for.

• I am grateful that no sale or special has ever motivated me to get up at 4am and wait in line at a store - I don't care HOW cheap that plasma TV is advertised
• I am thankful that Walmart does not appear to be offering the $29 DVD players this year, disappointing many a middle-aged woman who was hoping to wrestle for the ultimate bargain. For the safety of the American public, we thank you, Walmart.
  
• I am ecstatic that my neighbors have resisted the lure of the large, inflatable and obnoxious Frosty the Snowman lawn ornament, as I'm sure this would lead me to participate in some graffiti or mischief I have thus far refrained from.
  
• I am grateful I am no longer a clerk in a women's clothing department. I once worked for a large department store chain called Filene's, and was charged with dressing room duty. I realized then the concept of "hangers" was lost on most of the patrons, and was even chastised by a manager once when I insisted upon giving a lesson as to their usefulness to a particularly sloppy customer.
  
• I am thankful I don't have to explain coupons, expiration dates, specials, signs, or other "bargains" to the argumentative customer who doesn't understand that I'm working a job that barely pays above minimum wage, and most likely comes with little to no benefits.
  

Most importantly, I am thankful to NOT be working in retail on this very special day. But we salute those of you that are! Know that most of us that have been there, and we will try and remember our shopping manners, even after shoving an 8 year old out of the way for latest Elmo doll.
Cheers!

A Reflection (of sorts)

It's a relatively quiet Tuesday evening, and I think I'm going to pass my entire day without one dreaded service interaction, when I get the call: "Kat, we have a bather". A "bather" is a person who is using our public restrooms as their own personal day spa, a no-no for our institution. Truthfully, I can't say I care all that much WHAT people do in there, but alas, my job is to address the matter. Off I must go, to again tell someone to put their clothes back on.
Put their clothes back on? I take a moment to reflect. At one point did my professional career take a turn to where this has become part of my job responsibilities? Let's take some time, readers, and explore other matters Queen Kat can't believe she's had to deal with.

• I've asked a grown man to please stop crying about missing a certain costumed character in a theme park
  
• I once had to tell a man to pull up his pants, as he wasn't aware they had fallen to his ankles
• Last year, I had to deliver legal paperwork to a pissed off man in handcuffs who had just been arrested for punching a bus driver. Since he looked like he was going to bite me, I put the paperwork on the ground and slide it to him using my foot.
  
• I had to tell a ten year old boy that "eat me" was, in fact, not a term of endearment.
  
• I've had to tell a woman that her body odor was so pungent, that she needed to leave the building due to the concern it was raising with other customers (should probably rethink the bather rule above - perhaps we've got a contradiction here)
• I had to tell a family of four that throwing bread crusts on the restaurant floor was, in fact, not acceptable behavior
• I've had to plunge a toilet, something I've never even done in my own house.
  

So, readers, it's your turn to reflect: what are your prize career moments? Leave a comment, or shoot me an email at kustomerisking@yahoo.com. I can't wait to hear them, as I'm sure some of you can top mine!

The Mad Otter

For this week's post, I share with you a cautionary customer service tale. Years ago, I worked the front desk of an upscale resort hotel for a large theme park company (I won't mention their name because they tend to be a bit sue-happy, but let's just say the Big Cheese is a guy whose name rhymes with "Hickey House"). Working at a classy hotel presented it's own unique set of challenges: namely, my modest upbringing of Motel 8's had left me unprepared to deal with a clientele who specialized in disposable cash. But, what I was even less prepared for was this following encounter I had, which occurred about three months after my employment.
I was standing attentively at the desk, waiting for the next "Guest" to approach me, when a young man, about 25 and dressed respectively in pressed khakis and a Lacoste polo, approached the desk. I'd seen his type before, and figured he was looking for a Golf reservation, a few extra towels, or directions to the nearest strip joint. It turns out his inquiry was none of the above:
Khaki Guy: "Excuse me, Miss - but are you aware that your moat has a Mad Otter?"
Silence.
Khaki Guy: "Miss - the Otter. You really need to do something about the Mad Otter."
Truthfully, he had lost me at "moat". Since when did the hotel have a moat?
I looked around, first assuring that this young man was speaking to me, and when I was assured that he was, I donned my best "Oh, Aren't you Just a Really Cute and Funny Guy" smile, and made a small laugh at his joke.
He looked at me - perplexed.
Khaki Guy: "This really isn't a funny matter. Somebody could get hurt. Can't you call someone?"
Uh-oh.
Now, I was beginning to understand what I was up against. Khaki Guy was the most stealth and dangerous of all customer service types: Crazy Guy Disguised as Clean Cute Nice Guy. I had encountered this prototype only a few times, and I had been as unprepared for those encounters as I was for Khaki Guy now. Mad Otter? We had a live one on our hands.
Since Khaki Guy would not leave until I assured him some response to our dangerous otter epidemic, I picked up the phone and dialed our back room. Relaying the "mad otter" situation to my coworker on the other end left him wondering if I had lost my mind, and I knew I'd have some explaining to do later, but it appeased Khaki Guy and sent him scurrying back towhatever asylum he came from.
The moral of the story: Beware of the Mad Otters. They will sneak up on you when you least expect it, and you'll have a hard time distinguishing between the Cutesy Patron and the ones that are just plain crazy. To prepare, always be ready to think on your feet, and attempt not to aggravate the situation. For example, I was incredibly tempted to ask Khaki Guy what made the otter "mad", but it would have prolonged an already bizarre encounter. Lastly, always play into the deranged fantasy. It makes the encounter go smoothly and calmly, until the guys with the straight jackets arrive.