A friend asked me recently how my return to the wonderful world of dating was going. "Amusing", I answered. And really - I can not describe it in any other way. Now, I'll admit that by virtue of my quirky (yet utterly charming) personality, I tend to attract those that are a tad off-kilter. But, if an assessment of my current dating experiences forms a picture, then it would definitely look like one of those Rorschach inkblots in the shape of something phallic. Feels free to criticize, but I am taking a moment to provide my faithful reader's with Kat's List of Dating Do's and Don't.
- Do arrive on time, or somewhat close to on time. If you are going to be late, call, text, twitter, sky write or send a smoke signal. Just let me know.
- Don't ever break out the "air drums" or "air guitars".
- Do tell me about yourself, but don't tell me your life story. A girl likes a little mystery, and if your life story involves anything related to communes, a year of not-showering, several illegitimate children or outstanding warrants in any states, its probably best we not move forward.
- Do divulge ahead of time any information on your restraining order, and then DO promptly lose my phone number.
- Do take a hint. "Please leave me alone" actually means just that.
- Don't assume that one glass of wine is ever going to be enough for me. The most economical bet is really just to order the whole bottle.
- Don't wear all one color. And please, no T-shirts, especially if they have an 80s hair band name on them.
- Do realize that I will probably forget your name. Don't get offended. Accept that in the spirit of imagination, your re-naming by me is really a rite of passage
- Don't tell me to "try it, I might like it". I'm a Scorpio. I won't.
- Do go in for the good night kiss. Don't try too hard if I step on your foot instead.
- Don't talk too much about your mother, your cat, your Ex(es) or your blankie. I won't return from the restroom.
1 comment:
Excellent tips for us cavemen GQ wanna-be's! And here's a few more I might add that I learned all on one date last nite:
- match your shoes to your outfit and your belt to your shoes
- compliment her shoes or her purse but not both. don't say "they look cool", speak girl speak so say "those are cute"
- blow dry your hair
- spray one puff of cologne on your bare chest and leave it at that
- ask thoughtful, engaging questions then listen intently. you're listening for two reasons: 1) to show you're truly interested, and 2) her answers are nuggets of info that are golden if you bring them up on date number two
- when the check comes, take it from the waiter but keep it held out and ask to pay for dinner by simply saying "May I?". be ready to go dutch and don't be offended.
- don't talk about the weather or sports or sex unless she brings it up. if she brings up sex, blush and play shy/coy boy for extra points. unless she's an escort then you can bring up anything you want because you're paying for it.
- don't laugh louder than she does
- don't interrupt her. softly apologize if you do (even if it's not your fault)
- don't ask a question when she just took a big bite of her meal
- always allow her to order first
- end the date with [look into her eyes] + "Thank you. I had a great time" + [genuine smile] + [soft kiss]. don't bank on anything she says afterwards. bank on an e-mail or phone call in the days to come.
All of the above has never worked for me in my years of dating but I remain ever hopeful. In the meantime, I gotta go because I'm meeting Lana the escort for dinner at McDonalds.
Cheers,
Kit Mikazuki
Nante Koto Dating Misadventures Podcast
nantekoto.libsyn.com
kitmikazuki@gmail.com
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