Love and Hate

Colette and I spend a great deal of time analyzing which planetary alignments are forming and what their outcome will be for us. We believe that when Jupiter was in retrograde, that's when an infestation of rodents (and one bunny) descended open on our home. When Mercury was spinning, that's when all of our technological appliances = fail. And at the end of December, when Saturn eclipsed a bunch of her moons, we turned on the oven in the house for almost five days straight ... in a ROW!

So, it appears our lives are encountering a bit of the "crazies" yet again. In light of this, I bring you this post: Things Colette and I Love and Hate

We Hate:

Verizon. Their complete incompetence has left me without stable Internet connection for the entire time that I've lived in Boston. There incestuous relationship with Direct TV has caused constant billing issues. And their customer support, while polite and well meaning, is utterly useless.

Direct TV: We need to call once every three or four days to have a phone agent "reboot" our cable box, usually as we are settling down to watch the all important Jon and Kate Plus Eight. Additionally, the purchase of a "movie" through Direct TV requires a complicated system of wires, a secret pass code, a rocket ship, and some Necco wafers. Yeah, we don't understand it either. So help us if they dare to interrupt the The Hills ...

Facebook. Oh, Facebook, you wacky social network you. Thank you for updating our "relationship" status and causing a whirlwind of misguided ideas to all of the Interwebs. Thank you for your brilliant "photo tagging" which causes us to need to be on constant alert from those pictures from ten years ago when we first tried Goldshlagger. And thank you for your vampire kisses, tramp stamps, green little patch invites, and the like. Really, our days could not begin without them

Squirrels - Ninja Fucker kind or otherwise. We know you believe in karma, you little rats you. And we're *watching* you.

We Love:

Our Wii. Many a night has passed with Wii Cheerleading on the brain. When we miss the gym, we Wii box. When we have too much wine, we play Wii trivia. Yes, we are two single females. Yes, there are no children in sight. Yes, we use the Wii to lure unsuspecting men to the home in the hopes of seducing them into performing some light home repairs in return for some Wii Tennis. We are not ashamed. NOT ASHAMED!

The Tent: If, as an adult, you have not had an opportunity to sleep in a tent INDOORS, you are sorely missing out. Tents provide security from late-night attacking rodents, as well as a warm exterior, pretty colors, and complete comfort! If you come to the Benoir/Glimmer house, our tent(s) are wired for sounds and electricity. And of course, since we are PRETENDING to participate in an outdoor activities, we can count this as our nature allotment for the year.

Shovels: If you come and visit Benoir and Glimmer at any point during the year, you will find us armed with our favorite weapon of choice: the shovel. The shovel is a multiple-purpose and handy weapon. Thus far, we have used it to beat the crap out of: A box of Cheez-It's, some old mail, a trash bag we assumed had a mouse in it, and our neighbors car when she wasn't looking. Pretty soon, CB and I will be launching a nationwide contest to "Pimp My Shovel", as soon as MTV picks up the rights. You heard it here first!

High Fiber Wheat Thins: Mmm... yummy.

So, there you have it folks - the first installment of "Love and Hate" from yours truly! Stay tuned for more as winter turns spring, and more exploits are sure to come our way.