My phone rings at 11:11, and I see that it's @colettebenoir. Now, keep in mind, Colette and I live together, but our house is big and it's not uncommon for us to call each other. I have just settled into bed after a few glasses of wine, but CB is breathless: "Kat, there's a chipmunk in the house!". "A what?". "A chipmunk!".Now, I haven't lived with CB very long, but I have been made aware that in no way, shape or form does she like rodents, reptiles, birds or insects (this was demonstrated when she held @Kittyrocks up to a spider once, apparently so Kitty could disintegrate it with her X-Ray eyes). However, I am amazed that I did not hear Colette scream from the living room (screaming "Kat Glimmer", btw, lest my real name confuse me) where the Chipmunk, amusingly called "Alvin", made a brief appearance before Colette's shrill scream scared him back out of the room.
Now, really - you have to be around CB and I long enough to realize our plans of action are usually without much forethought or logic, but are generally terribly amusing. When I came down the stairs, I was instantly whisked into our living room with the door shut.
Plan #1 was to barricade ourselves into the living room to avoid Alvin and any potential peers. I'm not sure how long we were going to stay there - until the local delivery places got tired of passing us food through the window, or until one of us eventually would need to report to friends or family. But, I'm pretty sure that Plan #1 would have come with barricading ourselves in should we not have moved on to Plan #2. I was just glad that if we had to barricade ourselves in somewhere, it was the room with the Wii.
Plan #2 was to Locate Alvin. Kitty had long since run off, probably convinced her two Mommies were having a mental breakdown, so she was of no use to us at this time. So, CB and I took to being stealthy. There's just one problem: Colette was convinced that we had not just a chipmunk on our hands, but a super-ninja chipmunk that was going to jump from the walls onto our heads ala bad comedy movies. If you're around CB long enough, she's terribly convincing, and before long we were walking around the house like the walls were moving in on us.
Plan #3 was to Knock Alvin Unconscious. We had segregated his possible location to our cubbard closet. Now - it's a big closet, but CB pointed out that Alvin probably had a taste for trail mix, and alas, this was his happy home. So, we begin to attempt to peg Alvin with a votive candles. I should insert here that the votive candles were only used after CB exhausted our supply of large, pillar candles, and I extracted the candelabra from her hands - mid throw. This was all being done while CB stood on the dining room table, and I on the floor. When Peg Alvin with Votives didn't work, we moved onto to ...
Plan #4: Shovel and Trash Picker. Again, we worked this plan out as we went along. Apparently, I was going to catch Alvin by the tail (do chipmunks even have tails?) with one of those long-handled trash pickers, while CB bopped him on the head with a shovel. I only wish you could have seen us - me, yielding my trash picker like a sword in battle, and Colette, yielding her shovel like she was a cave man clubbing her dinner. At this point, and near hysteria/exhaustion, CB got a wind of braveness and decided to take the shovel and bash all of the contents of our closet. I can only liken this to Fatal Attraction For Rodents. This, I must say, was incredibly amusing, and I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. But alas, she had to be stopped when the shovel got too close to the wine bottles.
Plan #5: Hope Alvin Leaves on His Own. Knowing that our attempts thus far were going to be futile, we decided to retreat for bed and hope that Alvin would find his own way out, or be eaten by one very lazy Kitty. Of course, since we have a stealthy ninja chipmunk, we had to "guard" each other's trips to the bathroom, lest Alvin come running in and want to flush the toilets for us. Then, we closed our bedroom doors and lined the underneaths with clothing, etc so that Alvin wouldn't make us any nighttime visit. Oh - and our bedtime weapons of choice: Me, with my Trash Picker Sword, and Colette with her Shabby Chic Shield.
Alas, if anyone has any advice on how to battle a ninja chipmunk, CB and I are all ears! Also, should your new year's resolutions involve any cardio vascular activity, please come to our house for the Chipmunk Chase! We'll even let you pick your own weapon.
