The Power of Passive Aggression

I had the wonderful opportunity to spend this past weekend in Boston with my two BFFs, Kera and Kelly. Since we only get to see each other a few times a year, I am reminded (thanks in large part to the Taxi Cab drivers of Boston) about Kelly's wonderful use of Passive Aggression when dealing with those in the customer service industry. I present to you this case in point: after waiting for several moments at the Seaport for a cab to stop, one finally does. Upon entering the cab, we advise that we need to be dropped off at our airport hotel (which is, probably, five miles away at most). The cabbie, upon hearing the airport destination, starts to ho and hum, and advises us that because he's off the clock in 30 minutes, the airport is too far of a ride for him. Now, Queen Kat & Kera, not sensing the ridiculousness of this statement, start to get out of the cab. But before we do - Kelly breaks out one of her finer passive aggressive moments. She tilts her blond head to the left and says, "well, we don't need to go by way of Connecticut". Then, she dons her best Broad smile, and the cabbie is both utterly enchanted and afraid. He takes the fare, and we are instantly delivered to the Airport Hilton in under 10 minutes.
Passive aggression is a technique that I have not mastered: frankly, I'm far to direct too be considered "passive" in any of my mannerisms . But, for consumers like Kelly, it is a highly successful and effective technique. In some cases, your target doesn't know if you are kidding or serious. In examples like the one above, they are not willing to find out or take the chance. The utter confusion of the passive aggressive attack hits the weak spot of the service provider, and before you know it, they are providing the denied service simply because they don't know how to respond. So, I highly endorse the Passive Aggressive maneuver (and Kelly may even be available for a lesson or two) with a reminder of the following points: consider your audience, practice perfect delivery of the aggression, and remember to smile. You will always meet with success.
(and, a special thanks to Kelly, a.k.a. "Miss Scandalous" for being a grammar fiend and my new blog editor! *Kisses*)

I Wear The Pants

Recently, I had the following customer service encounter. This, my dear readers, is an example of having some Customer Service "fun". Some situations are just too good not to take advantage of.
Scene: Young, male customer does not wish to pay his account. After twenty minutes of circular argument via the phone, he pulls this gem out of, well, his pocket:
Queen Kat: Sir, you'll need to pay your account. There are no adjustments.
Customer: Listen, lady, you listen to me: I'm wearing the pants.
Queen Kat: Excuse me?
Customer: The pants, lady, the pants. I'm wearing the pants.
Queen Kat: Umm... which pants are you referring to sir?
Customer: THE pants, lady, which is why you're going to remove my fines.
Queen Kat: Are those like the Travelling Pants?
Customer: What?
Queen Kat: Never mind. Sir, I'm not sure what your pants reference has to do with your bill. I'd be happy to take a Visa and settle this now.
Customer: Lady - when I say "I wear the pants" that means you do what I say.
Queen Kat: Sir, I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand where this conversation is going. I, too, am wearing pants.
Customer: But you're not wearing THE pants. Now, remove my bill!
Queen Kat: Sir, are you insinuating that soon, you WON'T be wearing any pants? Because I'm afraid we're not that kind of call center.
Customer: What?
Queen Kat" You're desire to discuss your pants leads me to think that soon you won't be wearing any, and in that case, I'm afraid I'll need to end this inappropriate phone call.
Customer: But...
Queen Kat: Good day, sir, and good luck and your pants.

He he he he ....

Props to the Presentation

I was, by all accounts, a shitty waitress.
This is the first, but not last time, you will hear this in this blog.
In college, needing to sustain a five-time a week beer habit and occasional desire for new shoes, I sought out a waitressing job. How bad could it be, I thought? Throwing plates of food in front of people, wiping down tables, and collecting fat tips? Sounded fun! So, I ventured out and obtained employment at the bottom ladder of all eating establishments: the open-all-hours breakfast restaurant. (Think "IHOP" for the poor man). It was everything I had dreamed of in my vision: grease and syrup, stingy customers (two-for-one nights is a future blog), and dirty silverware.
But soon, I noticed that I wasn't bringing in the same money as the other waitresses. Now, I'll readily admit that I have had a lifetime problem with authority, and an inability to convincingly kiss ass. But, I was efficient, prompt, attentive - what gives? Why was I constantly being given prayer cards instead of actual cash?
The answer came to me one day, almost a year after employment. My BFF Kera, a very GOOD waitress by all standards, was arranging a plate at the galley. She always amazed me - taking time to scoop the butter ever so gently into it's little white cup (we were too cheap for those fancy prewrapped butter packs). Then, Kera selected the least-rotted of all the orange slices, and assembled it with a sprig of crisp parsley. Once satisfied with her arrangement, she gave her plate a little smile, and then whisked it away to the hungry table. Now, I had seen Kera do this ritual a thousand times before, and it was one I never understood. I never touched those oranges or parsley - in fact, for my first month of employment, I thought they were intended for some "special" I had yet to be introduced to. I slapped my butter directly on the plate, thinking I was doing "the man" a favor by skipping those pesky white cups. And I couldn't be bothered with accouterments like steak knives or soup spoons - I mean, the regular ones worked just fine, if you worked a little harder!
But that day at the galley I realized something - those little extras I wasn't participating in were making the difference to the customers, and in turn, to the tips. Kera's tables looked so happy when their food was served, and occasionally, they even said "thank you". So, I decided to give it a try: slapping orange and parsley together instantly brightened up a dull plate of eggs and bacon. And to my surprise, I realized something rather shocking: people would actually eat the plate flare! That possibility had never even occurred to me. So, I started to put butter into the cups, wipe the excess syrup off the little containers, and even throw in an extra napkin or two. Low and behold - my salvation become less of an issue, and I started rolling in the cold, hard cash.
I'm older now, and I have a finer appreciation for presentation than I did at the rather clueless age of 20. I take a moment to appreciate a plate garnished with a cantaloupe slice, or an adult beverage adorned with some pineapple. I like the big soup spoons, and am thankful when a server actually bothers to stock the yellow sugar packets, not just the pink and blue.
And to all you customers out there, I hope that you take a moment to appreciate this, too. Not every server is going to bother, or understand the fine art of plate presentation, so give props to the ones that do. And, to those of you that leave prayer cards (and you know who you are), I say this: thanks for the "inspiration", although it probably wasn't the result you intended.

The Principle of the Matter

It's 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon, and I'm just about to wrap up another week. From a customer service standpoint, this week has been a good one: I've avoided yellers, screamers, sighers and the dreaded criers for the entire week. But alas, as I'm just starting to shut down my office applications, my phone rings. On the other end of the receiver, the least favorite of all the customer service prototypes awaits me: Mrs. "It's the Principle of the Matter".
Now, I suppose I have some principles. Let's see, I never double dip, I only use the F-bomb when the children present are over the age of 12, and I've haven't killed anyone (yet). Those are principles, right? Well, if they are not, someone will probably have to EXPLAIN what these customer service principles are, because I just don't get it.
To me, "It's the Principle of the matter" is the most unoriginal of all the excuses. I also believe it's the most misunderstood. For example, a customer once told me that as a "principle", I should knock $1,000 off the price of a family vacation. His reasoning: He had more children the most vacationers. Huh? As a "principle", was I supposed to introduce him to family planning at some point in his life? My latest "principle" patron felt that I should waive the cost of her rightfully-assessed library fines because HER daughter lost the book. Her reasoning? Well, we have more books, but of course.
Now, come on now, Customers! We servants appreciate some originality in your excuses. The "principle" is trite, misunderstood, and misused, and while your think your big words scare us, they just serve to bore me. I end this post with a big *yawn* to you "Principle" People - no points for creativity because we've heard it before!