The Evil Tree

Ah, the evils of the phone tree system. Here, I reference my BFF the Diva and her most recent blog post which details her excruciating experience with the Dell Computer Support Line. I can't relate, as I'm no longer allowed to call Dell Customer Support. It stems back to what I deem to have been a minor incident involving some letters I wrote to Dell that resulted in a visit from the FBI...

But anyway, here is Diva's Blog Post.

*Hugs* @ The Diva. We've all been there

PS - anyone know what happened to the Dell Dude? You know, "Dude, you're getting a dell?"

Transfer Time!

Breaking news from the Queen Kat front:
In March, I am being transferred to a non-customer service area! That's right! I'll be spending a whole year AWAY from the customers. My employer is tucking me away in the basement, where my clients will be packing tape, shredders, stickers, and an occasional larger-than-average bug. While this in general is good news, I have to say it brought to mind that song "Self Esteem" by The Offspring:

Now I know I'm being used
That's ok because I like the abuse

Is it possible that (gulp) I might actually MISS customer service for the time that I am gone? Should I have my peers and coworkers yell at me on occasion so I don't lose my touch? Even more shocking, my new position will require interaction with vendors who want to sell me stuff. That's right - folks - I'm going to get brown-nosed! Wow - so surreal.
But don't worry - I've still got fodder for this blog for many, many entries to come!

The Voyeur

I am *the* Customer Service Voyeur. It's true. All the years in this industry have brought out some demented fascination with mankind, and I know this takes "people watching" to an entirely new level. What is a Customer Service Voyeur, you ask? Well, for one, it's a person who stations themselves near the Guest Services Desk on a cruise ship, like I did on a recent trip on Royal Caribbean. Sure, there's drinking, gambling, entertainment and more on a cruise ship, but I find the most fascinating show usually takes on the Main Deck, with people dressed in crisp white suits and twisty ties, and involves a queue and stanchions. For some reason, cruising brings out the most bizarre of customer service complaints. Having actually worked on a cruise ship on a few occasions, I have seen requests from guests that boggle the mind and spirit. These include one women who insisted the kitchen make her fresh squeezed carrot juice on a daily basis, or some bizarre, skin-related growth was liable to take over the left side of her face (her husband looked on, embarrassed, and I could tell he was not prepared to commit to this lifetime carrot juice fetish). I saw another women berate a poor steward because he was not able to produce "Epsom salts" at the speed of light to assist with her aching heinie (yes, insert "ass" joke here). When the poor, male steward could not comply, the women insisted they swing the ship to the next port of call and procure some, because that's what good customer service is, is it not? (I would have shuttled her in a dingy to Cuba, but alas, only the captain of a cruise ship can make these decisions). And, my personal favorite, the cruise line guest who got himself blitzed in Cozumel and missed the ship entirely. Special arrangements needed to commence to board at sea via the hull of the ship, and I had the fantastic opportunity to see this guest (who was traveling with his family), presented with the customized "bill" for the additional services rendered not only by the cruise line, but also by third parties, in delivering his hung-over body back to the vessel (helpful hint to all you tequila lovers: It's not cheap). My favorite gem from this most recent trip occurred when a relatively young women approached the desk, bill in hand, and broke out in tears over a charge for a bottle of wine that she absolutely did not order, absolutely did not drink, and absolutely was NOT paying for. As she berated the patient steward about the incompetence of the ships billing system, her voice grew louder, her sobs higher, and her pitch started to draw the gaze of those nearby (simple non-voyeurs). About ten minutes into the interaction, when the poor steward had already fetched some tissues, the women's incredibly helpful husband arrived to collect her. Oh - and did I mention he was kind enough to bring the wayward, and empty, wine bottle with him? So, next time you're out and about, grab a good book, station yourself near the customer service desk, and collect some blog posts for Queen Kat. You'll be amazed at the free, virtually untapped entertainment available at your finger tips. Be sure to email me your observations at Kustomerisking@yahoo.com .

I'm Tagged! Eight Random Things About Me

Ok, so this post actually doesn't have anything to do with customer service, but I was "tagged" by my fellow blogger and BFF, TheDiva Rockin. Never one to leave a call unanswered, I am returning the tag with this blog post: Eight Random Things About Me. Hey, can't hurt if we all get to know each other a little better, can it? Here's some randomness at it's finest:

1. I have a paisley birthmark on my stomach
2. I understand Spanish well enough to know when someone is talking crap about me, but they'll never know it
3. Despite having a Master's Degree, I am the worst speller you'll ever meet (grammar is not so hawt, either).
4. I order ice cream sundaes and only eat the whipped cream and sprinkles
5. I was almost arrested in Italy for failing to pay my way on a Roman subway
6. I've never balanced a check book or bounced a check
7. I can usually Name That Tune in three notes or less
8. I'm ambidextrous (and yes, I had to look up THAT spelling for this post).

Fellow bloggers & friends: Consider yourself tagged as well! What randomness do you have going on?

Tis the Season

The holidays are fast approaching, and most of us are filled with that yuletide cheer. Christmas means a few of my favorite things: eggnog, snow, presents, bells, shopping and spiked punch. But, for those of us in the service industry, it also means the return of the yearly dreaded service interaction. I call it the "holiday spirit". I've worked in my current position for five years, and can document the increase in customer "complaints" are this time of year. Perhaps they are trying to tap into some of my holiday cheer? If so, they are barking up the wrong tree with Queen Kat! Anyway, here's some helpful holiday tips for customers to keep in mind:
* Because it's the holidays does not mean we are going to wipe your slate clean of all monies you may owe. The cable company doesn't give me a free month just because it's "Christmas", and I won't, either
* If you have no intention of paying what you owe, that's fine. But there is absolutely no reason that you need to call and tell me this. If your hope is that by telling me you won't pay your bill, it will magically disappear, you really should see a shaman or a magician.
* Please don't use "the holidays" as an excuse. It taints what is intended to be an otherwise fun filled and relaxing time of year, and they shouldn't be used as a way to write off forgetfulness or stupidity.
* Calling me "Scrooge", "Satan", "Grinch" or the "anti-Christ" during this time of year only makes me chuckle, so please expect this reaction.
So, Happy Holidays to all of you out there who truly appreciate what this time of year is meant to be about. And for those of you who don't - tsk tsk! I'm on to you.

A Time to Give Thanks

Today is "Black Friday", the day after Thanksgiving dedicated to shopping, sales, and the ultimate display of capitalism. My heart goes out to those of you in retail today, as I'm sure a day full of early mornings, coupons and long lines has got to be the ultimate test of your customer service skills. I dedicate this post to all of you, Retail Servants, with a recap of "things" Queen Kat is thankful for.

• I am grateful that no sale or special has ever motivated me to get up at 4am and wait in line at a store - I don't care HOW cheap that plasma TV is advertised
• I am thankful that Walmart does not appear to be offering the $29 DVD players this year, disappointing many a middle-aged woman who was hoping to wrestle for the ultimate bargain. For the safety of the American public, we thank you, Walmart.
  
• I am ecstatic that my neighbors have resisted the lure of the large, inflatable and obnoxious Frosty the Snowman lawn ornament, as I'm sure this would lead me to participate in some graffiti or mischief I have thus far refrained from.
  
• I am grateful I am no longer a clerk in a women's clothing department. I once worked for a large department store chain called Filene's, and was charged with dressing room duty. I realized then the concept of "hangers" was lost on most of the patrons, and was even chastised by a manager once when I insisted upon giving a lesson as to their usefulness to a particularly sloppy customer.
  
• I am thankful I don't have to explain coupons, expiration dates, specials, signs, or other "bargains" to the argumentative customer who doesn't understand that I'm working a job that barely pays above minimum wage, and most likely comes with little to no benefits.
  

Most importantly, I am thankful to NOT be working in retail on this very special day. But we salute those of you that are! Know that most of us that have been there, and we will try and remember our shopping manners, even after shoving an 8 year old out of the way for latest Elmo doll.
Cheers!

A Reflection (of sorts)

It's a relatively quiet Tuesday evening, and I think I'm going to pass my entire day without one dreaded service interaction, when I get the call: "Kat, we have a bather". A "bather" is a person who is using our public restrooms as their own personal day spa, a no-no for our institution. Truthfully, I can't say I care all that much WHAT people do in there, but alas, my job is to address the matter. Off I must go, to again tell someone to put their clothes back on.
Put their clothes back on? I take a moment to reflect. At one point did my professional career take a turn to where this has become part of my job responsibilities? Let's take some time, readers, and explore other matters Queen Kat can't believe she's had to deal with.

• I've asked a grown man to please stop crying about missing a certain costumed character in a theme park
  
• I once had to tell a man to pull up his pants, as he wasn't aware they had fallen to his ankles
• Last year, I had to deliver legal paperwork to a pissed off man in handcuffs who had just been arrested for punching a bus driver. Since he looked like he was going to bite me, I put the paperwork on the ground and slide it to him using my foot.
  
• I had to tell a ten year old boy that "eat me" was, in fact, not a term of endearment.
  
• I've had to tell a woman that her body odor was so pungent, that she needed to leave the building due to the concern it was raising with other customers (should probably rethink the bather rule above - perhaps we've got a contradiction here)
• I had to tell a family of four that throwing bread crusts on the restaurant floor was, in fact, not acceptable behavior
• I've had to plunge a toilet, something I've never even done in my own house.
  

So, readers, it's your turn to reflect: what are your prize career moments? Leave a comment, or shoot me an email at kustomerisking@yahoo.com. I can't wait to hear them, as I'm sure some of you can top mine!